And that's all I have to say about that...
Sooooo, I was only gone 1 week. WHY oh why was there so much hockey news? Since some higher power felt the need to bombard the world with hockey news, I will briefly paraphrase my thoughts on only those that I actually give a flying fuck about.
First, to those off to Europe – Jagr, Emery, Straka – Good bye! Don’t let the plane door hit you on the way out. I hope you have immigration problems and are unable to return to the States. Ok, that last statement was totally direct at Emery. Let’s face facts, if you have legal problems, we’ll deny you a Visa. This has about a 98% chance of happening. Buh-bye!
Onto teams I love –
The Avs, why oh why do you hate me? I know you do, it has to be the only reason why you would bring Tony Granato back as the head coach AND give him the worst goaltending tandem in the entire NHL. Now they’ve brought in some dude named Barr to be an assistant coach. Boy would I love to move from the OHL to the NHL. I really can’t bear to discuss them any further. They are like the Sabres of yesteryear, er, or last year…
The Sabres, wow have you been busy. First you trade away Big Bear. HELLO, did you not get the memo that Timmy or Max are the only two available for trades? Had the Blues not given him an offer sheet, I think I’d still be pissed about this. But seriously, you know this is how it went down.
JD: Ok, Larry, we need to make some sort of a splash here. Other than the offer sheet on Backes, we’ve been non-existent this off-season.
Larry: Who do you like out there?
JD: No one, although…. (forehead furrows deep in thought)
Larry: JD, what are you thinking of?
JD: Ya know how Gilles screwed us over with Backes? Now we’re stuck paying him more than you, I and ownership would like?
Larry: Yea
JD: How about we bend him over and have our way with him?
Larry: I’m listening
JD: They just picked up Bernier from Buffalo because they have no more options and can’t get anyone to come to Vancouver. What if we sign Bernier to an offer sheet that was overpays him? The bastard will think we actually want Bernier!
Larry: It’s brilliant!
So, I am now OK with the fact he’s gone. Moving onto what happened 6 seconds later…we picked up Craig Rivet. I think this guy is going to LOVE Buffalo. He’s from North Bay, Ontario and played in Montreal. It’s damn cold and snowy in North Bay and Montreal. Nor’easters should be nothing for this hombre. Plus, Buffalo is practically Canada, eh. Plus, he’s a total chaudie who’s near my age. It would be nice to look at the Sabres without thinking that I could go to jail. “And here’s to you Mrs. Robinson….”
Based on this video, I’m going to love this guy.
Sources are saying we’re after Jason Williams. Uh, why? Unless this means Timmy is gone this year and we’re replacing him with Jason, I see no need. We already have 4 centers.
I’d now like to start my own trade rumors…Buwahahahah
Plan A: I think we should trade Max for Mathieu Schneider. The Ducks need to shed salary and this would save them $2.3 million. They also do not know if Selanne’s coming back. Max could replace some of that production.
Plan B: Let’s ship Max to the Avs for JM Liles. The Avs need a RW and don’t know if Joey is coming back. It would also allow the Avs to shed about $900K in salary. Crunchy and Liles are BFF’s, so this could help in our negotiations with Crunchy. Many may think that Avs won’t go for this, but all the Avs have done this year is make their team worse. This will absolutely help them achieve their goal.
Plan C: Tender an offer sheet to Andrej Meszaros. Let’s face facts; can Ottawa afford to match the contract? No, unless they shed someone’s salary. Like the Blues, this is a win-win situation. We get Meszaros or they have to trade Spezza.
Plan D: Rhett Warrener anyone? He was pretty solid for us, so I’m going to blame the Flames on his recent craptacular play. Plus, he’s super hot. “hmm, hmm, and here’s to you Mrs. Robinson”
In a nutshell, I like Rivet, but think we could use another D upgrade. This was our weak spot last year.
Deep thoughts with Chaz
Congrats Wild fans. I love Owen Nolan, and now he plays for you. He’ll be some great veteran leadership that you’ll need now the Rolston has fled to the warmer pastures of NJ.
The Canucks have signed Demitra. I loved him in St. Louis, LA and MN. I don’t like him anymore.
Peca went back to the CBJ’s. I think he likes Columbus because it reminds him of Buffalo. At least I like to convince myself of that…
STUUUUUUU, if you decide to retire, I think you should be added to the Sabres front office. If not, we can find you a spot on this team.
I hate Jason Smith. ‘Nuff said.
Thrashers re-sign Boulton to a mutli-year contract. Umm, were they watching the same Boulton the rest of the world saw? I don’t think 7 goals equals a multi-year contract.
I like Brendan Morrison and wish he would have stayed with the Canucks. While I do have a great deal of discontent with the Canucks, Morrison and Canucks were like PB and J. They just belong together.
